I experienced a tug of war with the ego again.

‘Baby boy’ started to scream.

Each morning started out by asking what I needed to know about and recognize throughout the day.  This particular morning I received a couple cards telling me that I was going to be feeling a setback, anger and resistance.  In essence, I was in a prison of my own making, caught up in something.  I looked at this reading thinking, WHAT?  How could that BE?  I just had like the best day EVER the day before, and today looks like I could be feeling icky?  NO NO NO NO NO!

Well, sure enough.  It happened.

During class with Doreen Virtue, we were talking about the power in a name and with the proper intentions, one can psychically tune into one’s energy by focusing on their name.  As we were receiving this information from her, I was sitting there thinking to myself, “Oh. My. God.  Can I really do this?  No, I can’t do this.  Can I do this?  No, I can’t.  This is crazy.”  And then I caught myself and shoved the ego out of the way.

YES I CAN!

Time to practice.  Grab a partner you don’t know and let it whirl!  She was sweet… and TOTALLY spot on.  She went first and I gave her the name Geneva.  Holy crap… she was describing grama as if grama was standing right behind me.  I’m not even sure I heard everything she said because she was so right on… I sat there thinking to myself the entire time, “OMG I don’t think I’m going to be this accurate.  I hope I can have this much to say about what I pick up.”  Baby Boy… quiet!!  I was so judging myself and looking at everyone else thinking they were better than me.

Well… now it’s my turn.

She gives me the name Marie.  I see blank.  Nothing.  I started to spin.  I’m spiraling inside thinking – OMG I’M NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY INFORMATION FOR HER.  I tried to explain what she looked like and I soooo felt like I was pulling it out of my ass.  She could tell I was having a hard time and she grabbed my hands and said, “it’s OK!  It’s OK!  No judgment!  No judgement!  How do I know she didn’t change her looks when she got over there?”  LOL HOW SWEET WAS THAT?  Basically she just told me that I totally described her back asswards.  Well, afterwards I just started to spiral right down the drain.  I couldn’t help but think, “Why the hell am I even HERE?  I don’t belong here!”  Baby Boy was throwing a HUGE temper tantrum now.  Good thing it was lunch time.

My ethereal temper tantrum.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!  I was beating myself with a baseball bat.  Suddenly, I found myself asking for major intervention from Archangel Michael and Jophiel like STAT.  Michael helps us with strength and courage and Jophiel helps us beautify our thoughts and remove negative patterns from our self talk.

I got in my room and I just sat in the chair at the desk in silence thinking about what had just happened and I felt like an idiot.  I was talking to the angels and Heaven asking for help to get through this.  I grabbed a cell phone to Heaven (AKA – a deck of cards) and I was asking for advice on what I needed to know about this and how to effectively move forward.

As I was shuffling, a NEON sign lit up on the inside of my head, TRUST.  I laughed and said, “Ok!!  Ok!! I HEAR YOU!”  And I threw the first card and it was TRUST.  The next card was ‘Wounded Human Ego’.  Um… hello.  And people say this is just hooey and coincidence?  Mmmmmm NOT.   I got the Hawk which represents messages from Spirit and the angels.  I got the Deer which tells me to be gentle with myself.  The last card was the dog, representing unconditional love.

Ok… thank you I get it.  I get it.  “There there Baby Boy.  It’ll be ok.  You just lay down in your crib and know that your angels are with you, I’ll shut the door and you go to sleep thank you very much.  Thank you very much for the opportunity to make me feel completely separate and not part of this group or even myself, for without this experience I would never know what true “connection” with the angels/God etc is.  I get it!  I get it!” J

The message coming through wasn’t complete…

I sat down at my computer feeling so much better.  I was going to check something before I headed back to the conference room.  Suddenly, my eyes just went up for no reason and I looked straight at a book that I had brought with me.  It is one of my most favorite books by Paul Ferrini… I have it highlighted and marked up throughout the entire thing.  I didn’t even know why I brought it when I grabbed it and put it in my bag… but I found my eyes looking right at it.  I read the title, “Love Without Conditions”.  Love Without Conditions…. Love Without Conditions!!  OMG!!  The last card I got was the dog which represented unconditional love!  I got up really quickly as I understood the message that was coming through.  I had to grab that book.  I got up and I picked up the book and I opened right up to page 70.  My eyes went straight to a paragraph that I had highlighted.  The message to me was this…“This is why I ask you to practice.  Remove the impurities of judgment that block the clarity of your perception.  Remove the competition, envy and greed that block the flow of love to your heart.” I ABOUT FELL TO THE FLOOR!

Undoubtedly, I was given this message in response to my temper tantrum when asking for help.

I started to cry and laugh and I just had to sit there for a minute and ponder this experience again.

I came back from this lunch period and my good friend Slade Roberson looked at me and said, “Ok YOU look different!”  I said, “I know!  I received some incredible messages upstairs and I came back on my pogo stick!  WHEEEEEEEEEE.”

I told him of my experience and he said with a huge smile, “They gave you a scavenger hunt and you followed all of your messages and got to the end!  I love those scavenger hunts!”

This message was crystal clear… not to mention… it was on page 70.  The number 7 is a message from the angels that you are on the right path.  HELLO!  Not to mention, I was so grateful to have had such a manic experience to really open my eyes to just how much I tend to block my own progress.

Bottom line, we all get in our own way.  All too often, we are our own biggest hurdle.  The tiniest bit of self doubt can fester and grow and bring a man down in a heart beat.  By recognizing our human ego, and stepping back and viewing these experiences from a higher aspect within ourselves, we are able to allow the free flowing and constant Divine communication that our angels and guides are bringing through to us.

Big Love, Bright Light and Angel Blessings Galore!

Jeff